Your articles - May 2010
Paulette Dixon (MBA 2007)
As they progress in their Careers, Cass alumni develop knowledge, insights and opinions that are valuable to the wider Cass alumni community. Here, Paulette Dixon reveals how she stopped listening to ‘Mr. What If?’ and pursued her song writing ambitions.
Fear: It’s What Dreams Are Made Of
Sometime in the autumn of 2007 I began feeling uncomfortable and irritated while listening to music. Music on television, from CDs, on the radio, in the elevator, ring tones – everything related to music made my skin crawl. While driving in the suburbs of Philadelphia one sunny afternoon, I turned the radio on but then immediately turned it off. Sitting in a lane of traffic, the radio shouted at me through its silence, “You’re afraid. And you can’t listen to me because you’re running away from your fear instead of facing it.”
I started writing songs from any early age. I had no delusions of grandeur so I never even thought of pursuing music professionally. Over the years I wrote many songs but I never did anything with them because song writing was just a hobby. And, well, I was afraid.
Being afraid to step out and give my songs a chance was not entirely my own idea. I also had a ‘close friend’ who made sure I never did anything daring because he didn’t want me to fail. In a way, he was protecting me, I would tell myself.
His name was Mr What If?
Mr. What If and I had become well acquainted over the years. He piped up any time I sat down at the piano to write a song. He planted seeds of death in my creative garden anytime I dreamed of making a record. Yes, I knew him well. And I knew his voice better than my own:
What if you’re not good enough? What if you never write a hit? What if the MBA goes to waste? What if people pick you apart? What if, What if, WHAT IF!?!
On that bright and glorious day in Philadelphia I realized Mr. What If was getting me nowhere fast. It was time to yield to my convictions and find a way to overcome the fear that had paralyzed me for so long. Besides, from a realistic viewpoint, I couldn’t exactly escape music forever.
It was time for Mr. What If to go.
I drove home determined to find a way to rid myself of the sickness of fear. Sitting in an overstuffed chair with a laptop warming my legs, I found a posting in a musician’s forum that caught my eye: a songwriter with many years of experience in the inner circle was offering song writing consultations to less-connected songwriters. Intrigued, I picked up my ‘shovel of courage’, dug it into the stubborn ground of my fear and emailed the author, a man by the name of Scot Sax.
Mr. What If nervously shifted as I started to dig…
Scot had just returned from LA. He enjoyed success with the band Wanderlust in the 90’s and had written a Grammy-winning song for Faith Hill. He also discovered soulful singer Sharon Little who had just signed a deal with CBS Records. Together, they would later open for Robert Plant and Alison Krauss on their Raising Sand tour in 2008. After I emailed Scot, he wrote back and set up an appointment. He told me to bring my songs and lyric sheets along to our meeting. Things were looking up, and that was bad news for Mr. What If. By this time, he was showing serious signs of distress.
The meeting with Scot was exciting and emotional. He liked what I brought. So he asked me to return, tacking on a simple request at the end, “Come back in two weeks with ten brand new songs.” Feeling the effects of that considerable request, my throat tightened and my tongue went numb. Of course, ever present and always uninvited, Mr. What If also came along to the meeting and overheard what Scot asked of me: “Write ten songs in two weeks.”
Mr. What If and I both knew the brief would not be an easy one. I felt my pesky old friend start to rustle about. He spmed to be gaining strength. Aware of the schedule ahead of me for those two weeks, Mr. What If finally stepped up and then boldly chimed in. Our conversation went something like this:
Mr. What If: “You have a kid who depends on you. You don’t have time to write songs and take care of a kid.”
Me: “She’ll be fine. And I’ll just write when she’s sleeping.”
Mr. What If: “What about your friends who are coming all the way from Florida for a visit next week? What if you don’t have time for them?”
Me: “They’ll understand. They want this as much as I do.”
Mr. What If: “You know…Thanksgiving is almost here. You’re a bloody American. You CANNOT miss Thanksgiving.”
Me: I waved him off. “I’m from the South. I can deep fry a bird in 30 minutes flat, thank the pilgrims, and be on my way.”
When he realized he was failing, he went in for the kill:
Mr. What If: “Why did you even bother with the Cass MBA? You don’t need an MBA to write songs. What if you waste all those skills? You. Are. A. Loser.”
I let his venomous words resonate, but only for a moment. I then quietly picked up my shovel of courage and hit him on the head by writing the first song after returning home from my meeting. Two weeks later, I came back to Scot Sax with ten finished demos, and I have been writing songs for his song writing label ever since.
Like many of my fellow songwriters, I’m still waiting for my train to pull into Big Time Station. For now, though, I’m ridiculously happy just to finally be on the right train. And even though Mr. What If still follows me to the station everyday, he doesn't dare climb aboard. He just stands on the platform waiting for his next victim. A pathetic silhouette of his former self, with an ugly, shovel-shaped scar on his head, I always wave at him as the train pulls away. Then I crank up my iPod, open my notebook and start writing.
Paulette graduated with a Cass MBA in 2007. She released her first EP ‘Bite of the Sky’ on iTunes last year. The album will start receiving airplay on Thursday, May 20 on Nashville's WRFN 107.1. She recently moved from Philadelphia to New York City with her biggest fans; husband Will and 4-year-old daughter Isabelle. Find out more at paulettedixon.com, myspace.com/paulettedixon, and Facebook but not Twitter because it will suck the life out of you.
Find out more at paulettedixon.com or myspace.com/paulettedixon